Overwelmed

I need to hide under a rock for a week or so, I need a nice break from my life so I can sit back and relax and have a moment to collect MY thoughts. Not the many thoughts of my children or my husband, mine, my very own thoughts. I sometimes feel like I'm caught in the middle of a twister trying to anchor everyone down, and their wants, needs and thoughts are all spinning around me. Sometimes I feel like I could burst from just listening to everything all day, I unfortunetly can't tune a dang thing out, so I hear it all!! My mind spins, with everything I want to do, the things I need to do, the guilt of the things I don't think I'm going to get to, the things I want for me, the moments of peace I crave but never receive. And then there is guilt...ugh guilt, it's a ugly thing for me, I feel guilty about everything!! I feel guilty for craving those moments of peace and quiet, because I should not need such a thing, I should enjoy every crazy minute I have with these amazing kids. So why, why do I feel like I need this...insert the guilt!!

I don't think my husband understands the idea of giving me time or space, I think he thinks I don't need a minute or two away from our kiddies. This is frustrating. So right now I'm held up in my room, told the kids to raise themselves for the next 20 min's...does this make me a bad mom, I think not!! If no one is going to hand me a moment of peace, I'm going to try my hardest to steal a few from time to time! Now this doesn't usually work out for me, I usually hear the kids fighting and crying, and I feel my blood boil inside me, and the moment of peace I craved so much got turned into a volcano of stress. O well, it does work once in awhile :)

I want to take the kids to the pool right now, it's 100 degrees out, I need to feed them lunch..ugh!! This causes stress for a person like me. Lunch can't be easy and simple, because I have that ugly word "diabetes" to deal with. Food=stress. So I guess I'll do what I have to do and hope that what I want to do will happen and it will turn out great, yes Max won't be a pain in the behind because he should be napping. Olivia's sugars will stay amazingly in the perfect category, I will be able to lie down and relax in the sun!! Okay that last one was a dream, that will never happen!!