WOW, what have I gotten myself into!!

It was a long day today, I just wrote this huge post about every little detail of the day, but deleting it sparing you guys!! Long story short my many children had many melt downs today and I am plain worn out as a Mommy!! I almost broke down in tears at the mall today when Harrison was having a HUGE tantrum when the cashier said to me "you have more patience than I ever had, I don't know how you do it". Really I feel like I'm holding on by a thread. All the crying, whining, fighting, complaining and just plain defiance is really starting to wear on me. I've questioned the quality of my parenting skills as my life and children seem to spiraling out of control!! I feel lost. I feel like I so desperately want to "quite" the most important job of my life. I feel like a failure. I don't know what to do with them. I think when I decided to have four kids I didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I am beaten down.

-Max cried most of the day. Wouldn't follow me around the park, would only throw himself to the ground in his fit of rage.

-Olivia had a 30 min melt down, screaming and punching the seat because she could not buckle.

-Harrison cried and yelled for 45 min's at the mall because Max touched his guy.

This does include all the other whining, fighting and crying that goes on all day!! Olivia has turned into some kind of DIVA and doesn't think that she should have to do ANYTHING!! I need something to give!! I need a good day, just one good day.

With all that being said I love my kids more than anything in the world, it would just be nice if I could enjoy them a little more. I end up being such a ball of stress I feel like I'm not enjoying life enough!! I need to figure something out, I think I'm too much of a push over and I need to become more strict with them. Who knows, I just know that I hate these bad mommy days!!

Thanks for listening!!